You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
