It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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