did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
