moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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