I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
