i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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