Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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