Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I had to cum in my sink.
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