ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
he puts the penis in happiness.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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