you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
