"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
