I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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