its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
