either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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