Fine. I'll sleep in my office
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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