butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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