did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
