If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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