We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
