I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
