i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
