and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
