dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
