fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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