She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
