She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
