When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
