Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
