well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
