He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
