So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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