i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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