Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
