As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
