Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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