If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
