Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
