maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize