we're chasing vodka with high fives
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
