He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
