i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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