Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
