Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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