I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
