i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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