Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Can you bring me the toilet please
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
