escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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