people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
