please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
