can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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