fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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