I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
