Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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