Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
