dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
