My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
