i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
