12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
