every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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