What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
