I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
