There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
