i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
